I woke up today feeling weak. Not weak as in my will to resist fast food is weak but weak as in physically weak. I found this to be quite concerning as I have a recreational beer league softball game in less than a few hours. I have to, no NEED to perform at top level. I asked myself, “What would a top-level athlete like Chad Ochocinco do in this situation?” Then it hit me. It’s time for the Breakfast of Champions. Yes, breakfast and champions are capitalized because it’s the official term for this performance-boosting treat.
Breakfast of Champions
Yes, that is 2 Sausage Egg McMuffins, 1 Ham McMuffin, and 2 Hashbrowns. (Total calorie count is a mere 1500) You can’t wash this breakfast down with coffee, it’s just too heavy for this power-packed meal. Instead, it requires a Diet Coke. I’ll give an update on my softball performance later on. For now, I suggest everyone goes to McDonalds and orders the BOC to start your Sunday off right.
Have you ever been to a Mongolian BBQ? You know, the all you can eat kind? Well, the Red, White and Fat crew went to such an establishment for lunch today and I’m fairly certain we have been banned for life. I didn’t know there were rules at a place like this but apparently today we broke the most cardinal rule of all when it comes to Mongolian BBQ. We used too much meat. Yes, too much meat I never knew there was a limit to meat. I always figured the more meat the better and I actually live my life by that motto. No gay jokes, please. Here is the cook at said BBQ, he is apparently named Chang and he doesn’t take shit from anybody:
This is Chang. He will karate chop your nuts.
Round 1: FIGHT!
Yes, my first trip through the BBQ bar included three bowls of food. Is that too much? I don’t think so. We’ll start from left to right with bowl 1. Bowl 1 includes the most important part of this meal, meat. I used 4 different kinds of meat in this first combination; chicken, beef, pork, and lamb. Bowl 2 contains baby corn, carrots, celery, sprouts, and a whole bunch of noodles. Bowl 3 is just more random veggies. Useless filler basically. You then add oils for flavoring and take it to Chang to be cooked. He is a master of the grill and apparently quite stern. This is just under red white and fat here.
End of Round 1: Jeremy 1, Chang 0
Round 2: FIGHT!
Round 2 was mostly meat
That is what I decided I wanted to take to master Chang to prepare for me. Yes, it’s almost all meat. There are a few noodles in bowl 1 but I wanted meat, meat, and more meat. Again, no gay jokes, please. Pleased with what I had created I approached the Master and his giant wok. At first, Chang appeared apprehensive as he grabbed my masterpiece and began emptying the contents of the bowl to the hot grill. He then had a look of confusion as he discovered just how much meat I planned on eating. What transpired after that cannot be justified with words so please see the following picture: